waiting to exhale

[apparently youtube isn't working and i'm convinced, it's only happening to me but the song most accommodating this post is Fix You by Coldplay]

we've all heard it before - the mad black woman.  the stigma that says, the only three words we know is 'n.ggas ain't sh.t.' the generalization weighs heavy on the heart of a woman, even myself. of course, i am guilty of using the phrase especially when that's all you've seem to notice around you.  the truth is however that generalizations ain't sh.t.  that's like us saying, all black men are in jail or destined for jail and that simply isn't true.  i think the problem is two fold.  one part of it is that we expect boys to bear the responsibilities of men and the second part of the problem is that boys are often signing up to a be a man they've never known.  we are, well i am...young.  i'm barely twenty four with my whole life ahead of me and a few behind me.  if i am young, it's quite obvious that mostly everyone around me is too.  even though, i love my youth and my wrinkle free skin, it is a gift and a curse. it is disheartening to know that a love you can feel is not necessarily a love you can own.  at twenty four, kisses feel like promises, promises feel like vows and vows feel like a funeral when broken.  you walk down the aisle to look at a life that's gone under flowers that are never as beautiful as the ones he gave you or more beautiful than the ones he never gave you. the point is, this is the time where love feels the deepest at a time when we are the most shallow.  give yourself time to grow or you're gonna have to luck out and find someone that's willing to grow with you.  you're probably better off waiting because no two flowers bloom the same but they all reach for the sun. the catch 22 of life.